Life Will Go On
by MissMonk
Summary: Another year has gone by since the death of his family.


Authors Note: Enjoy. I don't own anything. I just keep them in my toy chest to play with. Review if you like.

*****************************************

His heart ached. Broke again and again as he laid in bed on his side, staring towards the window without seeing outside it. He hated today. Every year for the past 18 years he hated this day. It was the worse day of the year for him. Worse then birthdays, Thanksgiving, even Christmas. Every year he wished he would just somehow sleep through the day without waking. Hoping that when he did, it would be the next day and he would have missed this day for one year.

He sniffled, trying to hold back the tears, knowing if he let one fall there would be no turning back and they'd fall more and more until there were none left. He didn't want that. Didn't like showing or feeling weak and vulnerable, even if it was just him in this house.

This house.

The house he had bought and built with them. Shannon, Kelly, and him. It was a fixer upper when they bought it. He had been against it. But Shannon had insisted they get it. She fell madly in love with the house the second she laid eyes on it. He couldn't deny her it. So they bought it, and he fixed it up. She planted trees, bushes, flowers. Made the most beautiful garden in the back. He built play toys for Kelly out back. They had spent so many happy summer and spring hours out there together, as a family.

Gibbs sniffled again, turning his face into his pillow hoping to stave off the tears more. He will not cry. He WILL not cry. He chanted quietly in his head.

Kelly too had fallen in love with the house, though she was very young. She had eagerly run upstairs and picked which of the other rooms, other then the big one would be hers. He had spent a week with her picking out colors and other such stuff to paint it. Finally settling on a soft periwinkle, with light pink trim. He had painted fishes on the wall as well, along with little stars on her instance. It was rather strange looking but very original and Kelly had loved it beyond all reason. He has built most of the furniture in her room. He had started once Shannon told him she was pregnant. Dressers, bookcases, a desk, toy chests. Even her bed. All built with love by his own hands.

The first of his tears began sliding down his cheek onto his pillow as he thought about the sounds of their laughter, the smell of cooking, the running of feet. His heart ached more. He missed them, missed them so much.

He had gotten the news while in Kuwait. Fighting for his country, a country he loved and was honored to serve. The news struck him hard. It felt like someone had kicked him repeatedly in the gut and laughed all the while doing it. In a moment of insanity he had run out into the battlefield and gotten hurt. Was in a coma for 19 days. He couldn't even attend their funeral. Though thinking back. He was grateful he didn't at the time. He didn't think he could handle trying to stay together while everyone else mourned.

When he had finally been able to go after returning from Germany, his heart seemed to have broken again. After the coma and healing some across the way he had allowed himself to forget. But being back, and seeing it real had broken him again. He sat in front of their graves for 3 days straight. Nobody could convince him to leave. He refused to. He couldn't do it, he belonged with them he knew it. Eventually, by physical force of his friends and fellow Marines, he left the cemetery. They insisted on bringing him inside, afraid if they left him he'd run back there. He convinced the was fine now that he'd left.

The first time he entered this house after they…..

It was like he couldn't breath again. That feeling of being kicked repeatedly had returned. He couldn't fight the tears back any longer and they had come hard and fast as he collapsed in the entry hall and just cried and cried. His heart breaking. He wished over and over again that he could just die as well, be permitted to join them. They were his world and they were torn from him, and he didn't know what to do with himself.

For the first month he didn't even get out of bed. He just laid there, starring of into space. Friends and family came by just about everyday, trying to get him up. To move on in some way. But he just couldn't. His heart was broken and he had no will or desire to go on. He longed to follow Shannon and Kelly.

It was only by accident that the spark that started his will to live came. Mike Franks, the NIS agent in lead of the case had stopped by to inform him that the case has grown cold. The killer, the one Shannon had witnessed killing a Marine had most likely fled to Mexico and they didn't have enough evidence to get the Mexican government to hand him over.

Hearing this, Gibbs had been, well, royally pissed would be an understatement. After some research and some strings he took care of the problem himself. Leroy Jethro Gibbs had gotten his revenge. It had hurt still. It didn't heal him or make him feel better like he thought it would. Didn't even ease the pain a little. He had screamed out in pain as the bullet hit and killed the man who had taken away his family.

After all that he joined NIS, soon to be NCIS. He decided he would try to move on, or at least function and continuing living through his hell until the sweet day his life would be over and he'd be permitted to join the two people his world surrounded again.

Sometime later, Gibbs looked up at the clock and smiled a small smile as tears fell from his face again. Some how he had dozed off and slept most of the day away. That was some consolation at least. He snuggled deep into his pillows and blanket again and allowed the tears to fall freely, and his body to rack with sobs. He would permit himself this one day a year to morn the loss of his world and be vulnerable.

************************************

A few hours later he had woken up again. He glanced at his clock, it was finally the next day. He was free for yet another year to not think about it. At least that's what he was telling himself. He knew perfectly well that he'd think about them every day till his life is over.

After some reluctance he finally got out of bed. His muscles were stiff from lying in bed all day, and his chest and lungs hurt from crying so much. He decided what he needed most now was an extremely hot shower and a nice extremely large cup of strong coffee. He decided on the shower first.

The hot water cascaded down on his body, easing his mussels and making him feel much better. It felt like he was washing away the past 24 hours to start anew. He stayed in the shower till the hot water ran out and he started shivering from the cold. It still felt good either way.

He dried off and got dressed, looking at the clock he still had 2 hours before he needed to be at work. Though decided that since he was already ready he might as well go in and see what kind of damage DiNozzo had done since he was left in charge yesterday. He could stop by his coffee dealer a few blocks down from NCIS on his way in.

The drive was silent as it always was. He wasn't a big fan of the radio being on in the car. He felt it was distracting and made him drive crazy. He was half way there when he turned around and went in the opposite direction. A sudden urge to be somewhere else hitting him like a ton of bricks. Unsure of why he continued driving.

**************************************

He paused outside the gates. It had taken him half an hour just to get out of his car in the parking lot to here in the first place. He didn't know if he could actually go in. He glanced down at his watch, realizing that he was late for work, and would probably be later if he didn't just get this over with.

He looked up at the large gate in front of him. "St. Joseph's Cemetery" it read. He hadn't been here in 18 years. He couldn't bring himself to do it. Everyday was a reminder they were gone, just living in the house he shared and loved with them everyday was a huge reminder. But being here was like a splash of cold water in the face. It was real, it was confirmation. At home he could, if needed trick himself into thinking they were just out at the store, or at Shannon's parents or something, but here, it was cold hard proof and fact that they were……… and that they weren't coming back to him.

He slowly opened the gate, and walked up the path. Looking at the headstones hurt. Thinking of all the peoples loved ones they left behind. He had lost his mother at the young age of 10. It had hurt so much. He hated being left behind. And yet, it seemed like he was always.

The rows and rows of headstones passed by as he continued up the path, surprised a little that he still remembered where to go, even though he's only been here a few times. After what seemed like eternity, and yet seemed to come up too quickly he finally reached his destination. He looked down upon the 2 headstones in front of him. Shannon and Kelly. Below his feet lie what remains of his heart and his soul. Buried below 6 feet of dirt in sealed boxes.

He fell to his knees hard. It hurt, but he paid it no mind, His eyes glued to the stones in front of him. Reading and rereading them over and over again. He felt something damp on his cheek and reached up to brush it away. He looked down at his fingers. Tears. Will ever stop crying for them? Will he be doomed to morn and hurt and long for them for the rest of his life?

He didn't need anyone to answer that for him. He knew the answer. Yes. Yes he will forever. No matter what other loves come and go. Who comes in and out of his life, the two people he cares about most is right in front of him, and no one will ever take that place. He didn't think he'd want anyone too.

"I miss you guys so much" he whispered. "I wish you were here. I wish you never left. I wish………" he took a deep breath, allowing the tears to fall freely.

"You wish you were with them" A soft raspy voice said from behind him. He didn't have to turn around. He knew who it was. If it were anyone else he'd be upset, pissed. How dare they interrupt his grieving. How dare they see him being weak. But with Abby, he didn't seem to mind.

He didn't turn around, just continued to stare at the stones in front of him. Reading them again again still. He felt her fall gently to the ground next him and reach out and grab his large hand in her smaller ones.

"how'd you find me?" he asked quietly. He reached his other hand up to wipe away some of the tears on his face.

"you're 3 hours late for work. We were worried so I traced your phone. I had to make sure you were ok." A small smile crept upon his face. Trust Abby to worry about him, and find a way to him. While he liked to think he was the one watching out for her, he knew that she watched out for him as well.

She sat down Indian style on the ground and dug two candles out of her purse and place one at the ground in front of each stone. He followed suit, sitting down, his knees aching. She lit them both and sent a silent prayer.

"we should be getting to work" he said. She glanced up at him. His eyes hadn't left the stones since she's arrived. She wrapped her arm in his and leaned against his shoulder.

"don't worry about it, I've got it covered. We have today off." a slight chuckle came from him, and she looked up, and couldn't help at smile. Reaching up she wiped away a few more tears.

"tell me about them" she said softy.

He took a deep breath, holding it in. He's never really told anyone about them. He had told Abby, years ago about them, only in a general sense. The pain too much to delve deeper. She had kept his secret for him, understanding why he kept it so. She knew what yesterday was, and he knew she fought hard against her instincts every year to go to him and comfort him. He loved the thought of it but he knew he couldn't handle that. It wasn't what he needed. He always just needed to be alone, and to grieve. And she granted him that.

"what would you like to know?" he said. She snuggled up closer to him, and placed a kiss on his wet cheeks before laying her head back on his shoulder.

"I want to know everything. I want to know about the people who managed to get through this armor and leave such a mark on your heart" He smiled again, a real one, thinking about Shannon and Kelly. He took a deep breath, and thought on where would be a good place to start.

"well, I met Shannon in 1976.………………………."

Fins


End file.
